And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
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What a dumb baby whore.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
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I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.