True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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