god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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