So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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