shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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