I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
