youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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