She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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