I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
