Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
