my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
