mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
