Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
