How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
