the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
