eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
