I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
