the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
