Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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