i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize