Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
