What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
