it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
