currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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