The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize