after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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