false alarm. still invincible.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
