I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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