You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
