this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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