I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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