I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize