I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
