What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
