Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
