well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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