did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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