i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
