I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
