I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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