You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
