Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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