i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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