If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
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I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
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You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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