now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
