Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
