highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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