apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
