R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
