god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
