My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize