...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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