ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
