she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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