She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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