It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
