He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
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I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
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Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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