One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
