Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
