the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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