I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
