We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
